Enough is enough!

So the other day i had an interesting conversation with a young lady mid 20's who i didn't really know. I'm seated in an establishment and she's at the table next to me. She comes out the blue and says...."Excuse me, can i ask you a question?" Of course I'm like sure. She says " I need a mans point of view" I told her I'm always good for some relationship advice! She goes on literally for the next hour and a half ranting on about her no good boy friend. (Her words not mine)

In a nutshell she tells me that her man barely is keeping a job. He's not trying to better himself. He sits at home most of the day smoking pot, playing video games and watching porn. If those aren't RED FLAGS then i don't know what is.

She goes on to tell me that she constantly catches her boyfriend beating off to porn movies. Even after they just had sex. Now she has a low self esteem. (Her words not mine) Looking at the women she is slightly heavy set but with a big chest and she's got sum booty on her too! She's not screaming super model but i seen alot worse. She tells me her boyfriend is attractive but short and 140 pounds soaking wet. So he's not this stud but an average joe.

The woman told me that most of the time when they have sex is when he's watching porn or just watched porn and is turned on by the images in his head. She said she feels less then a woman. That she is not attractive enough to turn her man on without him watching porn.

Also when ever they do have sex he's finished before it gets started. That being said, he gets mad if he finds a dildo or if he catches her self pleasing herself. WHAT A DOUBLE STANDARD RIGHT? He even told her that her breast where saggy and that she needed a breast lift. Obviously comparing hers to the brand new rack the girl payed thousands for in the porno he watches all the time.

To add insult to injury, she saw messages he wrote on fb to other women talking about how bored he is with her. How he plays video games 24/7 because she is so boring. How he wishes he was still single.

They have an apartment together and he can not afford to live on his own. He used to live with his grandma til she moved into a smaller place now he is pretty much stuck. She is too because they are both on the lease. He has a part time job and can barely afford to pay his half of the bills. She on the other hand works two jobs and goes to school to further her career and support his weed habbit.

I asked her why she stays with him, she replied "sometimes he can be really sweet" I asked her how often is that. She said every now and then.

So let me get this straight i told her... You have a boyfriend with average looks, frail, a small (package),minute man,never made you climax,is addicted to porn,plays off your self esteem,lazy,sits around the house all day and smokes pot while you bust your butt to support him, talks about you like a dog to other girls and his friends,thinks your body is inadequate, and wants you to go under the knife so your breast can look like the porn star's who he wacks off too at least 3 or 4 times a day all because he can be sweet (SOMETIMES)

I told her that i am sorry for her situation but not her. I mean it doesn't take a relationship expert to figure out that you need to drop that loser!!! The bigger question is what is going on with you that would allow yourself to stay and take that abuse from a man. There is something deeper within yourself that allows this to go on. This is the TRUE source of your problems. Not him. When you identify this problem and deal with the true issue. You will never find yourself in this same situation again!

Come on now sweetie, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Know when to walk away with dignity. A situation like this, you already knew the answer to the problem before you asked me. And I'm willing to bet money that I'm not the first but many people have told you the same thing. Now dump this loser and do some deep soul searching and heal and love yourself as God loves you! When you know your worth, it shows and men like that will get the picture real quick, and won't get the time of day from you!

Happy hunting, be blessed!
The Love guru

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GOD AND RELATIONSHIPS

1 Corinthians 7:9 "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" What does this passage mean in the bible?  There is a saying that i made up a long time ago so if you quote it then you better give me credit! lol Ok goes like this "Women are God's greatest creation and the devil's greatest temptation" The bible teaches us that there isn't anything new under the sun that hasn't been done before. Everything that we are going through today including relationships, people have went through in the past. Since for ever there have been marriage,betrayal,adultery, fornication, brother against brother etc... Men back in b.c and a.d have struggled with the temptation of a woman same as the modern man does now. Vice versa. Great men of our yester years had dozens of wives and hundreds of concubine's. We thought we knew how to live it up!!  My point is we have been struggling with lustful desires since we were created. The KEY WORD is self control!! Some of us have it some of us don't. Some of us have more then others do. If your one of those people that have a high sex drive and very little control then that passage in the bible was for you as well as it was for me!!!

The passage is saying if your one of those who can't control your lust then instead of going out there having random casual sex, its best that you find a husband or wife. That way you can fulfill  your passion and it will be smiled down upon by God. Did you know that when a husband and wife make love its a form of worship to God? God created sex! It has  been perverted by principalities of evil. It was never meant to be be nasty or perverted, but a beautiful act of worship to God and to beautify the earth with children!

SO.....God and relationships!!!!
Here is the thing. The world we live in is a wicked place. Filled with principalities of evil and wicked men! The world is lucifer's! It says so in the bible. So generally speaking if you fit right in with the world you fit right in with the devil. Having a relationship with someone who fits perfectly into the world can lead to problems. The bible says you can not be un equally yoked. Meaning you can't be this saved God fearing man or woman and your  spouse is a heathen!! There will  be conflict and it will be hard for God to bless that union. Now you can pray that your spouse gets turned around and follow God and sometimes they do! However going into a new relationship knowing someone isn't into God like you are or someone who doesn't even believe is not wise!

The thing about keeping God first in our lives and relationships, is we have some kind of accountability. We have moral standards. Rules so to speak to go by. A guide in how to live your life and conduct yourself in the world. Following this guide and believing in what it contains, makes us Christians. What does it contain? well hopefully some of you already know and have read the bible. If not, no chance like the present to read the word. In a nut shell, live a good life. Be good be kind be loyal. Live right, always try to do the right thing, love thy neighbor! Wow what horrible things right....lol It's basically telling you to be a good person! So if you find someone who reads the GUIDE and TRIES very hard to follow it then that means they are practicing being a good person! They are prone to have more morals and values and someone to hold them accountable for their actions. They are someone who knows and understands consequence.

NOW......
Let's take worldly people. How do they measure up in relationships? Now when i say worldly people i mean people who are saturated in the world. Not just non believers but  believers who know God but are just not living by his word. Who are not reading the GUIDE. These people, and yes for a long time I WAS one of thees people, have no accountability. What guide do they have to live by? None I mean sure they know right and wrong as it pertains to the laws on this world. But they do not know morally, or choose not to apply what they do know to be the right moral thing to do as it pertains to God. They are less likely to care if they cheat and sleep around, or if they lie to you and play you with multiple partners. They have no conviction for their sins! Marriage is not sacred or holy to them. If they do marry, their marriage is not blessed because the foundation is not God. Spouses are more likely to cheat, or not take in the seriousness of marriage.

So i ask YOU.... if your in that place where your ready to settle down. Ready for a serious committed relationship leading to marriage in the future, which partner would you feel more comfortable putting your heart on the line for? The God fearing partner who tries their best to live by the Guide and follow the rules which encouraged kindness loyalty and love, or the partner who doesn't hold themselves to those rules and has no convictions for their wrong doings? I'll take partner A for a thousand please!!! I'm just saying if your trying to settle with a real good guy or girl your  chances of finding one are better if they have God in there live and are actively trying to live by his word as opposed to anything else!

CONTRADICTION TIME:
This being said however.....just because a person says they are saved or go to church doesn't mean they are, or that they are living right and will treat you properly. I know a guy who studies the bible and preys on women using the friendship good christian brother approach. You know the type that acts like he just wants to be your friend. He poses as a God fearing good christian man. Quotes scriptures out the bible and gives good advice.... Sound familiar. They get you to let your guards down get close then try to catch you at a vulnerable state and try to get in your pants! Ive seen this in women also!! Or the men and women who are at the club getting drunk and having sex with a new buddy after the club, then barely rolling out of bed sunday morning to get ready for their solo performance in the church choir! Or people like me, I was one of the ones that used to preach to a girl about getting closer to God and truly be sincere about it, yet at the end of the conversation I'm trying to pull her panties down! Yea i know right...The bible says... Matthew 7:15“Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16“You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? 17“So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit".... So if they say they are christians that's fine but listen to their actions, watch the fruit that they bear. If they are good christians they will show it by their actions and the way they live their everyday life. So I'm speaking on taking chances with a partner who is a christian and bears good fruit!! This betters your odds of having a wonderful loving, and understanding relationship with your spouse!

As always, happy hunting



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Q and A'S
email your questions to thaloveguru@yahoo.com



Q:  anonymous

Ok...I have some questions for the love guru. I keep attracting my "type" fine, nice body, good job, own crib, etc but i have found that they work alot or in the gym alot...my response is.. you make time for what you want to make time for. I know they didn't get where they are career wise or physically without doing what they do. I have low patience and i require attention so i dismiss the n***** and keep it moving. My girls say i am too picky. I say I know what i want and won't settle. What do you think? Am I wrong? I just need a male's prospective, and you seem to have alot of good answers.


Another question... how can a woman weed out the bad from the good? How can an attractive woman tell if a n***** is looking for just a f*** or a relationship?


A:  tha love guru

Well its good that you are dating your "type" that means your on the right path. If a man is very successful business wise then depending on what type of business it is, it may very well be time consuming. If this is the case then you have to decide if this man is special enough for you to compromise some things. Before  you start in on me compromising is not settling. People who truly care for each other SHOULD be willing to compromise with each other to make things work. If you feel that he's worth it and judging by him having all these qualities you want in a man then you two should come together with some type of schedule. Yes i know i know, i like spontaneity just as much as the next cat but if his career is time consuming its imperative that you plan. BOTH OF YOU come up with what you mutually agree is  a "reasonable" amount of time to be spent a week. Set the schedule and FOLLOW IT! Now if he continuously fails to adhere, then RED FLAG!!

MENTAL NOTE: A man is not going to spend alot of time with someone he's not that interested in, and just wants to bang! (let it bang let it bang doo doo doo) sorry that's my song! lol

This brings up another issue. If he isn't that interested he's probably not going to tell you unless he has coconuts the size of that famous bulldog in AMERICAN PIE! So he's going to lie and make excuses i.e I was working late, then was in the gym all day!! hmmmmmm. The most important thing is to find out if his work and time at the gym is an excuse or is it genuine. If its an excuse then he's lying to you and he's not that interested so fire him!! If its not an excuse and he has those qualities its worth compromising if you BOTH are willing to put in a little more effort and work.

One last thing. In dealing with relationships, It is true that men can pretty much sum up what role you will play in our lives within the first 30 mins maybe less. However sometimes it takes longer.  We might think initially "oh she has potential but later down the line your actions show us that we should have ran out the door on the first date! Vice versa, we might think oh she is just  gonna be someone to sleep around with every now and again, then months down the line you captivated our hearts. 

To sum it up, don't come on to strong, if a man wants to make time he will, even if its not as much as you want, and you will compromise if  the both of you can agree and adhere to an amount of time a week to spend with each other that you can live with. If your just getting to know this guy give him a little time to get to know you to determine if he even wants to sacrifice time. No pressure...less is more!

As for your other question about weeding out the good from the bad. I actually wrote a post on just that coincidentally entitled how to weed out the bad men from the good check it out! I hope its helpful. Good luck with your future relationships!!!


Q: anonymous

Love guru, I have a man i have been with for  three months now. At first we were having sex all day everyday! It was great. Now its like i almost have to beg him to sleep with me! I don't see him as much as i used too. He said there is nothing wrong he's just tired or he's working more. What do you think is the problem? Do you think he's not attracted anymore, or he's cheating on me?

A: Tha Love Guru

Well i don't think it's necessarily that he's not attracted anymore. It depends on alot I really would like more information. Key point is how fast did you sleep with him? You know there is that initial NEW THRILL that men and women both get when having sex with someone new. Every here that expression "the thrill is gone!" well this is probably true. If you slept with him off the bat then you two really didn't give yourselves enough time to figure out what you really had in common with each other, other then the physical. So WHEN THE THRILL IS GONE chances are he is too! Your main focus when you meet a new guy should be to find out if he just wants the booty! Refer to my post how to weed out the bad men from the good 

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Foreplay!!

When you think of the word FOREPLAY, sex usually comes to mind. This would be a logical assumption considering most of the time we hear this word it usually is associated with sex.While this may be true there all all different types of foreplay. Most people think of foreplay as the time when your with a woman participating in physical contact. Foreplay is the actions you do to each other before penetration. Yea well ok that is accurate but foreplay can begin way before that. For example. It's been a busy week. You and your wife/husband haven't really had time to "get it in" due to schedules. However you both have friday planned out to be with each other after work. Foreplay can start that friday morning just by conversation about the wonderful evening the two of you are about to have later on. You might request for your wife to wear that one skirt that drives you wild or request your husband wears that tight fitted shirt that shows of his arms really well. There might be a favorite pair of panties or boxers you like to see your partner in. You are now creating visual stimulation on both parts. Both of you are picturing each other in the outfits you requested. This creates anticipation, sexual pressure build up. While you both are at work you might send a picture message showing off random sexy body parts to each other. Or ask your partner to go to the bathroom at work and take a picture in there panties or boxers. More visual stimulation which is important especially with guys. Girls as well. It doesn't have to be a picture at all. It can be a kind word. "I can't wait to get you in my arms later!" Let them know that you are counting down the hours,minutes!I used to date a girl who would get turned on when i did house work!! SERIOUSLY...If i washed the dishes and took out the trash before she got home. It was ON as soon as she came through the door!

OK work is over and your headed to the house to freshen up. This is important. If you haven't already check out my post on "The physical" Gives good advice on hygiene and getting ready to go out. Pretty much make sure your looking good smelling good. So you meet up with your husband/wife where ever you guys planned. A nice long sensual hug is a good idea. Remember foreplay started since the breakfast table. You have pictured what your partner was going to wear all day and now you finally see them in their sexy outfit. Kinda like a good daydream coming true. You know what panties/boxers they are wearing underneath. All this makes that hug much more sensual and romantic. This whole date is about touching and mental stimulation. Touch each other often. Hold hands, put your arms around each other. Sweet kisses on the temple and cheeks. If your at dinner don't sit across from each other. Sit next to each other. More sweet kisses, play footsy under the table. Caress each other under the table. Make a game of it. Try not to get caught by the waiter! This is all anticipation build up. If your at the movies, put your arm around her. Let her rest her head on your shoulders. Ladies rest your hand on his upper inner thigh. Ever so close to his man hood but not quite. Or fellas rest your hands in between her legs. Let her keep them warm. If your adventurous then massage each other without making it obvious to others. Make a game out of that. Make is hard for either one of you to pay attention to the movie. At this point both of you should be thinking WHEN IS THIS MOVIE GOING TO BE OVER! Now this is just an example. The "traditional date" However we all know a date can be anywhere doing anything just improvise. Remember to be romantic,sensual and touchy feely! No arguments tonight! If you got beef about something save it for the next day. Let nothing ruin your good night!

OK so you managed to get through the date without having to go to jail for public sex! lol Your in the car and your on your way home. NOW...i don't think there is anything wrong with a husband and wife having oral sex so if your on that car ride home and you want to indulge then by all means this is great foreplay! Now note: its easier for a girl to give oral to a guy while he drives then for a guy to give it to a girl for obvious reasons. I just recommend that you be safe and use extreme caution. You don't want to be a hazard to other drivers. This is sure to have you kicking the front door down racing to the bedroom as soon as you pull in the driveway. Now if your not that adventurous that's fine. Holding hands and caressing body parts will work as well.

Alright you've made it through the date without exploding with sexual pressure build up. Now its time to reward each other for it! Most of you might already know this. I know there are a lot of sexually experienced people in this world. However i will explain anyway just in case you don't. MEN: We get hot instantly. A quick hug is all we need to get our motors running! Sometimes not even that! My point is we get hot very quickly and are ready to go. However just as fast as we are ready MOST men finish fairly quickly as well. Women: They are the opposite. Now there is always exceptions to the rule but generally it take women longer to get warmed up, and when they are it takes longer for them to cool down unlike men.Fellas please remember this. Now if you followed my advice as far as foreplay on a date and your just getting back home, the woman should be already on her way to being warmed up! The man i already know has been ready since the beginning of the date! lol However fellas lets not assume! The easiest way to tell if a woman is ready to "connect" is to determine if her valley is flowing or not. If her valley is dry then you need to put in more work before you start trying to "get it in" This is very important! A lot of men make the mistake of kissing their wife for a few seconds then undressing them then penetration! Again remember women don't warm up that fast. Even if they want to sleep with you, you have to get them warmed up!

TIP 1: The hotter you get your woman before penetration, the less amount of time and work you have to put in to get her to the "big o"

Guys don't understand that they are causing themselves more problems and work. Let's be honest, women usually last longer then men do. I'm sorry fellas its true. Now of course this doesn't apply to all men (like myself) ;) but it holds true for alot. Now some guys are just selfish. If your a selfish lover then your wife probably is not satisfied sexually. Hence your probably not getting it as much.With sex its all about the woman! You want to make sure that your woman is satisfied. Let's face it fellas we can prob get off from a hole in the wall so as soon as we penetrate we are feeling good and will be satisfied. So lets work towards making the woman finish before we do! So again make sure your woman is hot,ready,and her valley is flowing before you do the horizontal mambo! Now a free flowing valley is enough to give you the green light however if you really want to drive your woman crazy hold out on penetration until she begs for it! Continue kissing,fondling,grinding what ever your doing until she

A: is constantly reaching for it trying to navigate it in herself or

B: is literally begging for it! (baby please just give it to me)

I promise you if you take your time and go above and beyond with the foreplay to the point she's reaching for it and begging for it, I guarantee by time you do give her what she's reaching for, she will already be half way at the "big o" as soon as you start. Again this means less work and time you have to put in before she reaches climax. This is extremely helpful for many reasons. Including for those who don't have the best stamina or have problems with pre ejaculation! Now for the ladies, again women it doesn't take much to get us going. That being said us men do have hot spots as well. So many times women neglect to make effort to find out and utilize a man's hot spots. Just as you women have those certain spots that when kissed,licked,rubbed,blown on etc drive you nuts, we do too!!! Take the time to find out ours and watch your man go wild! Men are visual creatures. Lingerie or just sexy panties and bras do alot for a man. Please keep that in mind. I always say a woman can never own to many pair of panties and bras! It's less attractive if your husband keeps seeing you in the same few pair of lint ball filled panties! Switch it up! If you and your spouse have a long night or day in bed ahead of you, ladies change it up. After round one, go to the bathroom and freshen up a bit. Come out with a whole new pair of panties and bra. It is almost as the man is sleeping with a fresh new woman and is def a turn on!

ORAL SEX

Oral sex is great for foreplay but to do it right you have to know your partner. Now I'm not going to give you a step by step guide on how to perform this act. Maybe in a later post but I'm simply talking about orgasm. Is your partner multi orgasmic or is it one shot and i need a nap? This goes for men and women as men can be multi orgasmic as well.(like myself) The reason this is important is simple. If your wife is the type that when she has the "big o" shes ready to quit and take a nap then as far as foreplay is concerned, its ok to give her oral but don't let her peak! If she does then she's ready for a break before you even penetrate. Same goes with guys. Now if your partner is multi orgasmic then its ok to let them get one in, but when they do climax, make sure you get them on the brink of the second orgasm before you penetrate for the first time.Ladies i don't recommend you letting your husband climax before he penetrates. Even if he's multi orgasmic. You want him at his best!

Tip 2: If you perform oral on your spouse, get them on the brink of climax then stop the sensation so it dies down some then bring them to the brink again and let it die down again, if you repeat this 2 to 3 times, by time you do let them climax, the orgasm will be much stronger and intense then it would be if you just let them climax as soon as they feel the need.

To sum it up...i do believe in quickies. Certain situations and time restraints call for just that. However if you have time to make love to your spouse, its best to do it the right way and to def incorporate foreplay. This makes for a more enjoyable experience with your spouse. Which will bring new memories and you closer to your spouse as you worship God in the very act he created for husband and wife to bond with each other chemically and spiritually as well as to beautify the earth!

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A woman scorned!!

When i was a child my mother used to always quote the old saying "hell has no furry like a woman scorned" I thought it sounded good. It had a nice ring to it you know. However i never truly knew what it meant until after my first daughter's mother texted it to me!! Oh Lord God!!! I do understand now. I am now very vigilant about weeding out women scorned! For every man that hurts a woman, the next guy pays the price! Meet a woman that's been ran through the fields by a healthy share of bad boys, and you'll find HELL ON HEELS!!! After a serious emotional relationship is over we all need time to heel.Jump to quick into another relationship and that person pays the price and ends up the rebound guy/girl. Its human nature to protect ourselves. Hunters became better hunters by learning from their mistakes. A woman gets close to a guy, the guy hurts her. Basic survivor skill kicks in. The woman learns not to get close to the next guy! Simple effective! Can you blame them. Although the reality of the matter is you will never find true love, your mate, and have a meaningful relationship like this. You have to learn to give TRUE second chances. Let's say a woman gives a second chance to another guy, same thing happens that just makes the fact that she can't get close even more prominent! And so on and so on. SO.... like i said, you find a woman who has been dragged through the fields more then a few times, then you find yourself problems! Men need hiking boots and alot of rope to deal with these women! Their guards are super high and we have a high wall to climb! Without TRUST  there is no true relationship. It just doesn't work! But how do you get a woman to trust you who has trusted many and has been disappointed every time?  A LOT OF HARD WORK!

I'll be honest, sometimes is not even worth the work!! Its hard to knock someone who has a guard up because they have given trust time after time and have been let down. At the same time its hard for someone fresh and new to deal with someone who takes that experience out on them and they haven't even done anything wrong....YET LOL. WHAT DO WE DO!! FELLAS: I suggest we determine if the woman is worth the work! How do we do that? Remember my PROTO-TYPE post? If you haven't read it please do. If you have read it please re read to re freshen your mind. The main question..HOW CLOSE IS THIS WOMAN TO MY PROTO-TYPE? If this woman isn't even close to what your list of what your proto-type should be then bounce quick! Don't even waste time dealing with a woman with issues if she isn't close to what your looking for anyway. Mental Note: The prettier the girl, the more a man will tolerate!! I don't care what you say, a man is going to put up with more of a gorgeous woman's ISH then he will with an average or below average looking chicks! Now with certain men a model type is the average girl he's used to.In that case it don't matter how fine you are if you have alot of baggage to deal with...YOU GON! This is not the case for most men. I know I'm bouncing around a bit. Let me be more clear. MEN don't get caught up on a woman's looks to blind you! If you find yourself tolerating a lot of bs off of a woman and the only reason is because she so fine...WALK AWAY! Looks aren't enough to create or keep a healthy relationship. Hell  LOVE isn't even enough! There are more components that have to be there for everything to work.

NOW...let's say this girl is close to your proto-type ( remember every one's proto-type is different) She doesn't accuse you of cheating when you don't pick up your phone right away. She doesn't have to know who your with and where you are every second of everyday. That's control! In fact the only real problem you have with her is that you can't seem to get close to her heart! You guys have a ball when your out and communication is good. It's just in her heart, although she likes you and enjoys your company she's scared to give you all of her. THIS is a woman worth fighting for. This is where the hard work and the hiking boots and rope come into play. You have to show her that you are different then the other guys. There is so much we can discuss on this subject and i will elaborate later. For now i am going to keep it simple. There are two major top flight security of the world craig..secrets to break that high wall she has up, down! And its as simple as this...TIME and CONSISTINCY! If you consistently show your loyalty,your faithfulness,that you can be trusted. If you consistently prove her WRONG never let her down, are there for her when ever she needs you, in an elongated period of time, those walls will tumble and fall! A woman wants to love, wants to be loved already. She just wants to feel secure with the one she wants to give her heart too! Just know that when you do get her heart you know how to take care of it or you are going to ruin our good women! We already lack quality out here. Men, when you find quality, please know its worth and if your not truly ready for it, let it go with out running her through the fields and give a man who is not necessarily better then you just at a different level in his life and is ready to give her what she needs, a chance at LOVE!

Enough of my rantings for now! lol As always, happy hunting!
The love guru

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Yay's and Nay's

We are all individuals! As individuals we have our own mind, our own opinion, and different likes, and dislikes. That being said, I've concocted a list of things i think are turn on's as well as turn off's as far as women are concerned. Now us being individuals I'm sure some will agree and some won't. That's perfectly fine. Just read and take what you will from it!


Yay's and Nay's

YAY'S

A woman that keeps her hair, toes, and nails done! (pretty hands and feet are a BIG turn on for alot of men)

A woman with a nice shape (women, if your not the best looking girl, a nice shape goes a looong way! Anyone can get into shape unless you have severe health issues that prohibit that. Laziness is not a severe health issue!)

A woman that can dress sexy but classy at the same time (yes definitely show off that sexy body but leave something to the imagination. Its been studied men are actually attracted more to this then leaving nothing to the imagination!)

A woman that talks like a lady (don't want a woman that sounds like I'm talking to one of the homies from the block)

A feminine woman (If you are a lady then move like one! Don't want your pimp harder then mine when you walk!)

A confident yet humble personality (there is nothing sexier then a gorgeous woman who is so down to earth) biggest turn on!!!

A woman with positive energy (ever been with someone who was always depressed and always brought your mood down? sucks!)

A God fearing woman (simple, im a Christian, the bible says you can not be unequally yoked) how is that going to look being with a non believer..our marriage won't be blessed!

A independent woman

A woman with morals and values

A supportive woman

A woman that understands her role in a relationship

Dreamers

A woman that's a good mother to her children (women please don't put your man before your kids, i've seen this to many times!)

A woman that knows how to respect (men are big on respect...this is key Know how to respect your man)


NAY'S

A woman with a gutter mouth

A woman that acts like a man (there are two roles in a relationship babe..play your part)

A woman that mass fornicates (not judging  been there, but if this is your current status. walk on by!)

A woman that lies (if you lie to me how can i trust you? If there is no trust then what do we really have?)

A woman that cheats (duh right?)

A woman that doesn't respect

A woman that dresses skanky (don't get me wrong i love a woman that shows off her body but there is a difference between sexy and skanky and it says alot about who you are to us men! We approach you and treat you accordingly!)

A non believer in Christ

A woman that is extremely jealous (a little is ok)

A woman with insecurity issues (get that worked out first! I will always tell you how beautiful you are but don't want to continuously reassure you that you deserve to be with me! It will make me question if you really do deserve too!)

A woman that is an emotional wreck (Sorry i don't have the time to babysit your emotions!)

An abusive woman

A controlling woman (where you at, where you going, who you with, you women don't like it so what makes you think we do?)

A woman that calls a man out of his name/ someone who can't control their emotions in the heat of an arguement! (Big turn off. I don't do the verbal abuse thing. If i can control what comes out my mouth when im mad then so can you! WE BOTH GROWN!)

A CONCEITED WOMAN!!! (BIGGEST TURN OFF) (not to be confused with confidence)

A selfish woman (If its all about you, then you minus well date yourself!)

A woman with bad hygiene (Need i explain)

These are just a few things that are turn on's and off's to me. If this helps anybody out GREAT. If not then i hope it made for entertaining reading! I think most men will agree with alot of what was posted. Well...happy hunting for now! Until next time!
The love guru

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Rules to live by!!!

OK so I've been doing some thinking and I've put together a few rules to live by when it comes to relationships. Now some of these rules are old and many already know about them but for those that don't I'm simply laying it out for you! As well as bringing to the table a few rules of my own.

Number one rule YOU CAN'T TURN A HOE INTO A HOUSE WIFE
simply put, if your girl used to be a bust down, got ran through,slept with half the block or half the club, if u slept with her the first night and admitted sleeping with someone else the night before..RUN old habits die hard!! Simply put!!

2: BELIEVE NONE OF WHAT YOU HEAR AND ONLY HALF OF WHAT YOU SEE!
    Simply put...don't tell me show me!!

3: IF HE/SHE LEAVES HIM/HER FOR YOU THEN EXPECT THE SAME IN RETURN!
    Simply put...you reap what you sow!

4:THOSE THAT HIDE THERE PHONES HIDE THERE LIES!
    Simply put...if there guarding there phone like a 3 month old baby....RED FLAG!

5: GUYS/GIRLS THAT ARE REALLY COMFORTABLE CALLING YOU PET NAMES AT THE BEGINNING...RED FLAG!

6: CONSTANT TEXTING!! RED FLAG!
     could be completely innocent...however.....RED FLAG!

7: A WOMAN KEEP HER VAGINA HOW SHE KEEP HER HOUSE!
    If your woman has a nasty house...run! Real talk!

8:  EARLY DISRESPECT OUT THE MOUTH OF YOUR PARTNER IS WARNING TO VERBAL/PHYSICAL ABUSE!
   
9: HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF!
    If your partner has a HISTORY of cheating,abuse,alcoholism,drugs,etc..just remember that!

10: YOU REAP WHAT YOU SEW!
      You do dirty in one relationship, don't think the relationship you really want to be in is going to be peaches and cream...

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How to weed out the bad men from the good!

This post is for women who are ready and only looking to settle down with a good man. That being said, WOMEN you have to also be ready and must be the quality that you expect your man to be!! You also have to know yourself and who you are to possibly know what type of man is RIGHT for you! When i was a teenager i had no clue of who i was and what type of women is compatible to my personality. It took years later and a lot of experimenting with different women and personalities including a horrible three year relationship to help me discover myself and the type of women that is compatible with me. With this imperative information, it is that much easier for me to target the good from the bad. Now the bad might not necessarily be bad for all but just not a good match for me. Everyone is different. So to the women who haven't found themselves or don't have a firm grasp on what they want in a man, i suggest you keep living life dating and experimenting to find yourself and what you like need and don't need in a man before you truly start searching for that one!

OK so to the ones that feel they know what they want and they are ready for that one, here is a little advice to help you sift through the dirt to find that gold! BEWARE OF WOLVES IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING! I evaluate my prospects by red flags. If your just starting out with someone and you get a whole lot of red flags at the beginning, then its probably in your best interest to not pursue the relationship! What are red flags you ask? Anything that comes up in a relationship as it pertains to your partner that is con not a pro, a negative, something that makes you question or is not a desirable trait or situation. For instance your guy never answers his phone after a certain time on any day. RED FLAG ! Get it? OK ...so lets proceed. As we all know men and women are usually at there best  behavior at the beginning of a relationship. This makes it harder to figure out the true nature of that person or any hidden agenda's. Fellas, I'm sorry to say this but ladies, depending on the guy most of the time guys are "couchie motivated" we see something pleasing to the eye we immediately think "damn i wanna hit that, let me try and get her number! Our main goal is to sleep with you! DISCLAIMER: this does not pertain to all men. It depends on who the man is and where his mind state is at at that point of his life. Some men like me are looking for there wife, but when we find her it will still initially be sexually motivated!! So ladies the biggest thing you have to do is weed out the guys who just want to sleep with you. This can be fairly easy depending on how bad this guy wants to get in your pants!! Men analyze women quickly we will know what role you will play in our life the first time we meet you. For example. Let's say i have extremely good taste in women. My past girlfriends can pass for models. This is my preferred type! And lets say i have a high sex drive and obviously love sex as well. I'm in the gym working out. There is this woman on the tread mill in front of me in nice tight black leggins. Her body is bangin and jiggling everywhere in all the right places. I'm turned on..she finally gets off the tread mill and turns around..BAM she got a "butter face" that means everything fine "but her face" but she's giving me the eye really hard so i know she wants me and this would be an easy lay. As a man I've already came to the conclusion that i want to sleep with her because I'm sexually attracted to her body and plus it would be an easy score  because she was starring all at me. I've also came to the conclusion that she's not wifee or girlfriend material because to my standards her face isn't pretty enough, but to another guy he mind think she fine! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However this beholder doesn't think she hot just her body. My point is now I'm about to approach her and run mad game, what ever i think i have to say or would work just so i can get in her pants! She might really dig me, end up giving me some and getting her feelings hurt in the long run. Ladies I'm trying to prevent you from going through this by determining a man's true agenda before you give your heart and your body away.
OK first things first..WOMEN are attracted by words. This is why they melt when a man writes poetry or says really sweet things to his girl, love notes etc so words are powerful. There are alot of guys out here with alot of game. Don't get caught up with words. Words a man tells you shouldn't hold an ounce of worth unless its backed up by action! If this guy says he cares so much then his actions damn sure better be showing it! If they don't then don't believe it! A guy who just wants to sleep with you won't want to spend money on you! Unless he's a baller and a dinner and a movie ain't nothing which it really isn't but if i know your just a "good time" for me I'm tryna go str8t to your place or have you come back to mine! I'm not tryna spend money, I'm not tryna be really seen with you like that. If your prospect just wants you to come over or vice versa no dinner no movie RED FLAG.  If the guy does take you out to dinner and a movie that don't mean he passed its OK to give it to him! Make him wait! That's the simplest yet hardest test to do! A man is NOT going to consistently spend time and money on a girl that he just wants to sleep with. TIME is the secret in telling a mans true intentions. I know it may be hard. I know there are alot of women that's hot under the collar now adays! lol But i promise you i never spent continuous time or money on a girl i only wanted to sleep with...ever! Let that man court you and take you out and spend quality time together without sleeping together for an extended period of time. Is he still the same man he was at the beginning or has his attitude changed. Is he just as attentive as he was at the beginning or does he spend less time with you together or less time talking to you on the phone. Is he going out with others "friends" more? Evaluate that, if he is the same man at the beginning as he is several months later with no actions chances are you have a possible good one on your hands but don't have false security in this because men can and do also change after they do "get it" Sometimes for the better sometimes for the worst. This is just a step in the right direction. There is still alot more to be cautious about. I will go in further detail in another post. Happy hunting for now!
The love Guru

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This thing called sex!!

It is no question that SEX is one of the most important components of a relationship! It is also one of the main reasons couples divorce. When it comes to attracting the opposite sex, SEX is very important. HOWEVER sex can also be very destructive to a relationship. I promote abstinence until marriage the way God wanted it to be. I do understand that that's not always the case. The flesh is weak and we battle with it everyday. For those that do have pre marital sex just understand the effects and consequences! Great sex to soon in a new relationship can cloud your ability to properly judge and analyse the true chemistry and connection you really have with each other. Great sex does cloud your judgement when its had early on in a new relationship. We tend to overlook  flaws or conflicts of interest that normally would be an issue with us because the sex makes up for everything. The problem is no matter how great the sexual chemistry is at the beginning it all dies down. Now I'm not saying that sex is inevitably going to get worse as a relationship progresses. I'm simply saying that the original thrill of great sex with a new partner doesn't stay new for long. You get into that "used to it stage" When the thrill is gone then that's when you start noticing all those annoying flaws that you would have noticed if you weren't playing naked twister all day! Get to know someone for them and not their skills in the bedroom first. You can really get to know a person if you take time to spend quality time. Not just dinner then back to my place. If you find that the chemistry is crazy and your actually compatible just by spending time and hanging out with no sex, the sex later on down the line is just going to enhance an already beautiful start! According to the bible we are supposed to practice abstinence until we are married. Women were designed to attract men as men attract women. And its natural to have sexual desires. The bible says "it is better to marry then to burn with passion" 1 Corinthians 7:9. So sexual desire is supposed to encourage marriage! Every time you sleep with a man/woman, you create a soul tie. A physical,chemical,and spiritual bond between you and your mate.We aren't supposed to BOND with everyone we are attracted to. Only our spouse.  The more we do this the harder it is for us to form a genuine meaningful relationship with people. This has been studied. I will elaborate on this subject on a future post.Bottom line is, YES sex is very important but whats more important is knowing you have a real connection with someone your feeling so that when the newness of sex with a new partner dies down, you already have a strong foundation that keeps your relationship going. Without that then your relationship falls apart. Sex only masked the would be obvious flaws, and lack of true connection hence wasting time and energy.Creating a new physical,spiritual, and chemical bond with someone you won't see again. We need to think about the long run when it comes to sex. What is your main goal? Do you just want some booty or are you looking for someone that you can spend the rest of your life with? We need to know what we truly want and should always practice abstinence. Especially if we have no self control over our passion/lust. If its too much to bear then find a wife or a husband! Then you can get it in as much as your hearts desire, and will be smiled down upon by God as sex with your spouse is a form of worship to God. It is a very good thing when its done in the proper circumstances! As always happy hunting!
The Love Guru

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The Cat and Mouse!!!

Ever here a guy/girl say " i want someone that doesn't play games" LIARS!!! LOL OK well that might be taking it over board because alot of people feel they really mean what they say. I don't care whether man or woman, we all love a challenge! Become the prefect man/woman to your mate and i guarantee they will get bored, and start acting up! WHY is this we ask? We all love a challenge. I don't care if you meet your dream girl. Let her come on to you strong and be all over you and available all the time and always blowing you up trying to spend every waking moment with you....yea yea i know what your saying hell naw i wouldn't act up i wouldn't go anywhere. Well it sounds good and is good at first but after a while that woman looses her value real quick. There is no challenge to her. You feel as you conquered her. You feel that she is so into you that you got her on lock then you take her for granted. That's when trouble starts. But you catch yourself soon enough stop being available all the time. Stop blowing up there phone. Don't answer a call or two when they call you. Call back a few hours and say "hey I'm sorry i got a little tied up, how are you" See how quickly roles reverse. This is nothing new. Its the old cat and the mouse game! I don't care who you are, we all play it. Rather we are the cat or the mouse and it goes for both men and women. RULE OF THUMB: never smother your partner! Its almost never good to make your partner feel smothered by you! Except for those few circumstances where people actually love being smothered with attention. (This usually stems from deeper issues with that person) Allow a certain amount of space for each other. This way it gives both you room to breathe and miss each other. Your mate can't call you and say "hey i been thinking about you, i miss you" if your up there butt blown up there phone or texting them 24/7. Good communication is key but know the difference between that and invading comfortable space. The less crowding you are and more mysterious you are , the more intrigued your mate is! To REALLY generalize it....LESS IS MORE! 
As always, happy hunting!

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The proto-type

There are all different types of people in this world. It is our job to experience as many people and personalities as we can. Depending on what stage of life we are in we might not even know who we are. The longest relationship i was in to date was 3 yrs. I've only been in true love once! I cheated! Yes i know i know but i was young and dumb! I was heart broken for two yrs until i met the woman i mentioned previously. Physically she was gorgeous! Everything i could ever hope for in a woman. At that time i was just getting to know who i am, and i never really knew what my proto-type of a woman was. The problem was that me and this woman were identical. We where both attractive, cocky, full of ourselves. We both were used to alot of attention from the opposite sex. Both stubborn bull headed, had to have our way! Yes this was a nightmare. From the first phone conversation we had, we argued! And everyday of our lives for three years straight we argued and fought. Absolutely the worst relationship i ever had! That being said i wouldn't change a thing about that period in my life. It taught me so much about who i am and what type of woman i need for me to be happy! It was a bitter sweet learning experience! We all need to find out who we are and what we need as opposed to what we want!

This brings us to our proto-type! Once you have a pretty good grasp on who you are and the type of women that's right for you, STICK TO THE SCRIPT! Don't waste time dating someone who you know you have no future with. For example if your looking to get married and the man/woman your talking to says that marriage is the furthest thing from there mind, then its probably a waste of time dating her. If you want kids and the person your dating doesn't, move around! Don't waste time entertaining that relationship just because he/she is attractive and you want to get some! Anything can happen. You sleep with him/her you get her pregnant or you become pregnant with someone that your not compatible with. Now you have a baby momma/daddy and a misc kid out there. PLEASE learn from my mistakes. Don't wast your time. Only focus on your PROTO-TYPE! Only date those who make your check list! Example physical attraction..check wonderful personality..check   no kids...check   good job, own place check and check. Christian God fearing check. Wants to eventually get married check! Now this is just an example. Your list can be what ever it is you want. The point is don't waste time with those who don't meet the criteria. If you only date your PROTO-TYPES  your chances are far greater finding what you really need in a mate and detour's you from other distractions that may keep you from God's blessings! Happy hunting!

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The emotional

Women are emotional creatures. I don't think anyone would dare disagree with that! This being so, to be successful in the hunt you have to play on there emotions.Women love to be made to feel good about themselves from a man so complimenting is very important! SO...you see the apple of your eye across the room, you got them pheromones pumping and your swag is fly because of your proper hygiene and sharp attire. Your ready to make your move. What do you do? What do you say? At this point no time to take risk, have an opening line prepared. Now I'm not saying those cheezy come ons! That's sure to get you rejected fast! The best lines are the ones that don't sound like one! The ones that flow and seem natural.For instance " excuse me, i don't mean to interrupt you but i noticed you, and wanted to introduce myself. My name is x what's yours? Simple, doesn't sound like a cheezy come on. Honest direct to the point. Your asking her a question that demands response, interaction. Don't go for the kill (asking for the number) right away. Conversation is great! Words move a woman just as deep if not deeper as physical appearance. Keep the convo going. MAKE HER LAUGH! My momz used to say " you can laugh a girls panties right off her" lol. I'm not suggesting you do this for this purpose however! If you can keep that woman laughing, the battle is half won! So she's laughing she's talking back to you. She doesn't have that "please just go away look on her face" Its time to do one of two things. If sparks are really flying and you can def tell she's into you, DON'T LEAVE! Buy her a drink, buy yourself another and spend the rest of the night with her until she's ready for you to go! Dates that go that way make couples and babies really fast! The key is to be confident, like you do this all the time. Kool, show your interested but not desperate. Never make it seem like she's out of your league. Now its time to get the digits! Don't ask for the number demand it. Put it in the way were she feels she has no choice. Something like this " Look i could talk to you for hours but i don't want to keep you (pull out your phone) what's your number so i can text you some time. Your easy to talk too!" It's harder to say no if you do it this way, but that doesn't mean they won't! If they say ...no give me yours don't go out without a fight. Something like " come on now we need to do this the right way. How about we both exchange numbers, that way the option is in both of our hands to communicate! I believe in taking control of my destiny!" Watch em melt! If they don't...ahh for get it, on to the next one. You tried! That's one thing you have to remember. Never take it personal. Its a numbers game. The more women you talk too, the better chances of getting yes's! Your shy and barely approach a woman, then when you do, she turns you down and you wait even longer for the next one. You'll never get anyone like that. Move on the next one that catches your eye like that. Not just any and everything! I assure you if you follow all these steps your sure to line up an impressive roster. I promote marriage and monogamy. I also feel that you have to date multiple people at the same time to get to know what you like and don't like. Who do you have more chemistry with. Who are you more compatible with? Follow these three key points and you are well on your way to finding your spouse! As always, happy hunting!

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The physical!!

There were numerous studies done to determine how long it takes for us humans to determine if we find someone attractive or not after seeing them for the first time. The answer they came up with is 3 SECONDS! Yep, that's it! A three second glance will give are conquest all they need to determine if they find us physically attractive. What does that mean to us? WE GOTTA GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME! So...lets start with hygiene. This is SO IMPORTANT. If your going out "fishing" make sure you have the proper bait. Start with A SHOWER! Some may think its common sense, but you will be surprised at how many people get this wrong. Just because you shower in the morning doesn't mean you can party in the club that same night with out freshening up! Make sure you take a FRESH shower before you go fishing for that mate. A good clean scented deodorant, and yes of course a nice fresh cologne. I never met a woman that didn't like a good smelling man! THIS IS KEY! Although some women are allergic to cologne. This we cannot perceive ahead of time so are hands are tied with these women at first. Major rule of thumb with cologne...LESS IS MORE! Don't drown yourself in it where everyone can smell you coming a mile away!

Next...women love a CLEAN SHAVING MAN! Please keep your nails clean and manageable, your hair cut, and shaved. No matter the hairstyle. If your rockin braids make sure they are done on the regular. Its not hot approaching a girl and you got the fuzzies! If your rockin a fro, natural keep it shaped and trimmed. Keep a fresh lining. If your of caucasian persuasion, same applies. Keep it cut trimmed. If mousse is your thing then mousse it out, spike it, what ever the fashion is own it! A clean shaved face is always hot. If your going for the 5 o clock rough around the edges look that's fine, but keep your scruffy beard even. keep it lined up so its not crawling down your neck.

Also CLOTHING! Ever hear the term "funky fresh dressed to impress ready to party"? Women LOVE a well dressed man. You can be fat with crazy swag based off your dress and proper hygiene. If your not fashionable consult a woman. Most male clothing stores i know have women sales persons, for good reason too! Ask them for help. They will keep you from embarrassment! This includes nice shoes! Women always look down at a mans feet. You would be surprised at how many women say they judge a guy solely by the shoes he has on. Are your shoes clean, old, busted? This is also very important!!

Finally ACCESSORIZE! Women love shiny things. A nice watch and a ring has never been to much. For the more fashionistic throw in a bracelet and a chain but don't over do it. Nothing to gaudy or flashy. Nothing to big unless your a pimp on the west side of chicago trying to recruit new horses for your track! Or your looking to attract gold diggers and video vixens! Again rule of thumb..LESS IS MORE! If you can adhere to these simple tips, this should get you more looks and further on your way in the right direction.

Stay tuned for my next post dealing with attracting the opposite sex using the emotional!! As always happy hunting!

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Chemistry is just that......Chemistry!!!

You ever meet a guy/girl for the first time and you get butterflies in your stomach. Your heart starts to beat faster. Your breath gets heavy? That's chemistry. Yes it has alot to do with what the eye sees, but its also chemical.

Pheromones are a naturally occurring chemical compound found in all insects, animals, and humans. When pheromones are secreted they dictate sexual behavior and attract the opposite sex. Pheromone is Greek from the word Pheran-to transfer and Horman- to excite. Pheromones are found throughout the living world and are the most ancient form of animal communication.

Pheromones are natural scents, which play an important role in sexual communication. Animals and humans release masses of biological chemicals in tears, saliva and perspiration. These aromas convey signals relating to mood, status, drive and health to the subconscious awareness of the female. The dominant male will exude more of these biological attractants than his submissive counterpart, consequently he inevitably attracts more females and enjoys more conquests.

So you see alot is involved when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Now if you see what appears to be the love of your life and the pheromones aren't kicking in on her end but yours are in full swing..there are a few things that have nothing to do with chemistry that you can do to help assist you in attracting your mate! This is broken down into three groups...the physical, the emotional, and  the subconscious, which i will elaborate on in a later post. Good hunting for now!

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